The Shit Joke Thread

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Merlin
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby Merlin » Sat Nov 25, 2017 10:57 am

[DVDF]Waspy wrote:Image
I actually laughed out loud :uglylaff: :uglylaff: :uglylaff: :uglylaff: :uglylaff:
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[DVDF]Waspy
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby [DVDF]Waspy » Wed Nov 29, 2017 7:26 am

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The one who laughs laughs, laughs laughs.
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Merlin
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby Merlin » Wed Nov 29, 2017 11:03 am

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[DVDF]Waspy
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby [DVDF]Waspy » Wed Nov 29, 2017 5:58 pm

:uglylaff: :uglylaff: :uglylaff:
The one who laughs laughs, laughs laughs.
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Bloody Useless
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby Bloody Useless » Tue Dec 12, 2017 3:50 pm

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me..
I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't
think of your name.. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
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910jack
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby 910jack » Wed Dec 13, 2017 2:56 pm

ALTITUDE

A twin-engine passenger plane has an engine failure and the altitude and speed are decreasing rapidly.

The Pilot speaks over the intercom ...... "I'm sorry it has come to this ladies and gentlemen, but unfortunately we are going to have to jettison the luggage in order for the aircraft to remain airborne ".

Baggage is thrown out but still the plane's altitude continues to decrease. Once again the pilot gets on the intercom, "I hate to do this folks but in order to save the majority we are going to have to start off-loading some passengers. The only fair way is to do this Alphabetically, so we'll start with the letter 'A'"

"Africans? Are there any Africans on board?"

There was no answer so the Pilot calls, "Black people, are there any black people on board?" Again silence.

"C - coloured people? Are there any coloured people on board?" Still there is silence.

A little black boy sitting near the rear of the plane turned to his mother and said, "Mum, ain't we African? Ain't we black? Ain't we coloured?" She replied, "Yes, son but for the moment we is Niggers. Let them do the Muslims first. And if that don't work, we is Zulus"
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Bloody Useless
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby Bloody Useless » Mon Dec 25, 2017 5:57 am

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00.
His bookkeeper is deaf.
That was the reason he got the job in the first place.
It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer
“Ask him where the money is!”
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido:
“Where’s the money?”
Guido signs back:
“I don’t know what you are talking about.”
The lawyer tells the Godfather:
“He says he doesn’t know what you are talking about”.
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido’s head and says:
“Ask him again and tell him if he doesn’t answer I’ll kill him!”
The lawyer signs to Guido:
“He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”
Guido trembles and signs back, “OK! You win!”
“The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno’s house.”
The Godfather asks the lawyer:
“What did he say?”
The lawyer replies:
“He says you don’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”
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[DVDF]Waspy
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby [DVDF]Waspy » Mon Dec 25, 2017 10:10 am

Image
The one who laughs laughs, laughs laughs.
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[DVDF]Waspy
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby [DVDF]Waspy » Thu Dec 28, 2017 1:36 pm

Apparently men think about sex every 5 minge
The one who laughs laughs, laughs laughs.
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Bloody Useless
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby Bloody Useless » Mon Mar 05, 2018 9:31 pm

Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."



I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling.
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