The Shit Joke Thread

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[DVDF]Waspy
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby [DVDF]Waspy » Tue Dec 20, 2016 8:34 pm

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The one who laughs laughs, laughs laughs.
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[DVDF]Waspy
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby [DVDF]Waspy » Tue Dec 27, 2016 10:30 am

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The one who laughs laughs, laughs laughs.
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Roostah
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby Roostah » Fri Feb 10, 2017 1:21 pm

I bought the wife a Pug dog yesterday. Despite the squashed nose, bulging eyes and rolls of fat, the dog seems to like her.



Just heard the guy who was suing Jet2 for missing luggage has lost his case



Saw some idiot at the gym put a bottle of water in the hole on the running machine where the Pringles go!!!



Bought a water bed for me and the wife in the hope that it would spice up our love life...
Its fucking shite, we're just drifting apart



My wife said to me last night "If you turn the bedroom light off you can stick it in my arse". . . in hindsight maybe I should have let the bulb cool down first



My wife left a note on the fridge "This is not working I'm going to my mum's house."
I opened the fridge's door, the light came on and the milk was cold. - What the hell did she mean?



What's got no teeth and smells?
The gearbox in the wife's car.



I'm starting the Adam Ant diet today.....it's quite easy....the instructions are:......Don’t Chew Ever......Don’t Chew Ever!! :doggy:
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[DVDF]Waspy
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby [DVDF]Waspy » Mon Mar 06, 2017 1:14 pm

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The one who laughs laughs, laughs laughs.
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Roostah
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby Roostah » Mon Mar 20, 2017 2:05 pm

I went to bed with a blind girl last night!
She said I had the biggest cock she'd ever laid her hands on!
I said "You're pulling my leg"



I used to date a girl with eczema

Cracking tits!
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Merlin
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby Merlin » Fri Apr 28, 2017 7:26 pm

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Bloody Useless
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby Bloody Useless » Fri May 05, 2017 12:46 pm

An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" his son asked. His father replied, "Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...
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Bloody Useless
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby Bloody Useless » Fri May 05, 2017 12:46 pm

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
From the back, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.' :)
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Bloody Useless
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby Bloody Useless » Fri May 05, 2017 12:49 pm

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
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Roostah
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Re: The Shit Joke Thread

Postby Roostah » Fri May 05, 2017 2:00 pm

Yesterday a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships?
Apparently 'In HD' wasn't the answer she was looking for!



My mate just bought a Pub, and was going to rename it "Prince Charming" or "Goody Two Shoes."
I tried to talk him out of it, but he's Adamant.



The school phoned me today and said,
"Your son's been telling lies."
I replied, "Well, tell him he's bloody good - I ain't got any kids!"



Tomorrow I'm gonna open up the time capsule I made when I was a kid.
Can't wait to see how big my puppy is...



Just spoken to my scouse friend who owns a mobile fruit delivery company. I said 'have you got a van?' he said "no 'I 'avacardo"



My local Apple Store has just been robbed.
Police have interviewed me as an iWitness.

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